they are the men with damaged psyche. they are the same types: narcissists and perverts. who is narcissist? he is just a person who needs additional attention from the society, relatives, friends and colleagues. everyone has to say how good he is. narcissist, BTW, is not the human who looks in the mirror for his own reflection often. the mirror looking people and those who take way too many selfies are self-loving, posers etc, but there is no any psyche sickness in this: it is just a self love and it is normal in good proportions. narcissists are usually the people with very low self esteem. they are usually people who doubt their personality significance. such people consider themselves to be of no significance. from any side and as a result, such people try to get this significance through attention seeking.
2. behavior patterns
he chooses the prey to express himself; he shows himself up as a good conversation supporter, best and most reliable friend, most romantic lover, most consistent person and colleague etc. it is a presentation close to self promotion. there is nothing behind this "advertisement". he seeks to get a certain opinion of himself: for the people will think this person is amazing, reliable, sensitive, fabulous, all these adjectives... the word "sensitive" is the most significant in this paragraph as such people are not able to be emotionally involved. they can not feel anything nor they can express any sympathy towards you. they are cold as snakes. such people can not be genuine. there is only certain strategy they follow. they have usually a reptilian personality, precise planning and very target oriented minds. the person can pretend to react on your emotional crisis but it is not a true reaction.
3. where they come from
abusive family of course where the parents put the child down and neglect his/her values. men are more inclined to such behavior rather than women. girls in their childhood are usually treated like princesses, their parents tell them how beautiful, cute and remarkable they are. girls get lots of attention from all members of the family as a rule: if not parents than they can be grand-parents or other family members and relatives. if the girl is raised as a boy she has some tendencies to the narcissist behavior. when the boys are raised by mothers with no father involved as the mum was divorced, the boy is raised usually in a very strict atmosphere, with a highly raised, unreasonable, unreachable and unreasonable demands, with minimum encouragement and with maximum stipulates. such boys turn into narcissists.
the way to heal for men: forgive your parents for what they did to you and seek them to repent and ask you to forgiveness as well - should go both ways. usually it does not work with parents who were also raised in the same atmosphere at home but you can put your parents in the "thinking" mode and plant a seed in their minds. the man who does that has lots of courage as he disengages himself from the negative past and breaks the pattern of sick behavior in the family that raises such "narcissists". one for all - the whole generation can get aware, awakened and healed as well as the whole "family tree". but this is a rare case. usually the man-narcissist will never see it and will never even think about the "patterns". "blaming others is the feature of humans". just one note that such man, that healed the family, will raise a great child after that as his past will be healed and the future will be healed as a result.
4. how they act
he never says "sorry" "I was wrong" "I was not right" "I will never say or do this again" etc, he will never say that. he will always find the wrong even in the best, he will turn "small wrongs" into the "huge wrongs". he will focus your attention not on the best parts of something but on the worst parts of anything. he will always point out and highlight your mistakes even if they are smallest and the rest of what you did was really amazing, best done and remarkable. you will never be good enough for him. it is a sickness, he has a sick mind, he is never positive about anything. he will always remember and highlight what you did wrong in the past and what have you missed. he will always say: "you will have to change" "you should do this or that" "you should not do this or that" "you talked wrongly today " "you think in the wrong way" etc. he will never accept you for who you are. the "wrongs" will grow and the best in you will be eventually killed. he will never be happy with what he has in experiences with you. such narcissist personality will make sure you start to believe in his own subjective reality and the objective reality will vanish. something beautiful will take place or you go to the beautiful place together but he will always find something really bad and will change your view about this day. if you felt amazing he will change your mind and humiliate you. he will prove the opposite to what you believe and see. light will change into darkness always. remember: the aim of the narcissist is to suppress your personality in order to show himself off as the most perfect human being compared to you, even if he was in the wrong. he will downgrade you in any way and will raise himself above you. narcissist personality likes to divide the responsibilities and will never help you with anything: "you do this, I do this" "why did not you say this? it was your responsibility" etc etc.. you will always feel very small next to such personality. you will never grow wings to fly next to such personality. such man will strangle you, leave you voiceless, will diminish your values and will step on your soul with no regrets. if he has done something good for you he will repeat it hundreds of times , over and over again, he will never remember what you have done for him, he will never thank you for the day you spent together, he will never appreciate your efforts or understand your tiredness, your hard work etc, but his actions will always be the first he will remember and remind you constantly how many times he bought you flowers or did some extra work for you... and, my god, help you if you forget what he did! he will remember his own smallest deeds for months and you will always owe him. you could do thousands times more than him but it will all be neglected and ignored, taken for granted and forgotten, smashed and stepped up on; the smallest things that do not even last one minute of work from his side will be remembered forever! he will be very reserved thanking you for something, there is no emotions involved even when he "thanks you". he constantly compares what you did and what he did and his demands are never compared to what you did for him - what you did is always lower than his inner demands. how would normal and healthy man react to a good present you made with your hands: for example your cooking that you put all your heart into? well, he will see the whole universe in this. the narcissist will never say "thank you" for your cooking. he will forget what you did no matter that you put your soul into his meal. narcissist will think: "how? to me, the king of all universe, she has made only some home made chocolates?... I do deserve much better.. I will never say thank you to her" I deserve much more than that. may be such men only expect expensive cars and expensive properties from their women, from their mums and in the future such men would usually try to find a prey to continue "feeding" them with more and more.
5. can you change a narcissist
such person will never agree to go and see a specialist. in case something dramatic happens and he will be forced to see a therapist to heal him such process will be very stressful for him because in no way such person would think that he is sick. nevertheless the unexpected can happen. such person can appear at the specialist room (psychologist or psycho therapist) and he will behave in the most charming way in order to trick the psycho-therapist or psychologist. he attends the specialist not to heal his relationship with his woman as he does not see anything wrong with them but rather to show off how perfect he is. he will charm the specialist. such "healing sessions" might even turn into a self advertisement or self presentation. the narcissist will be very soft and very sensitive, very emotional, he will tell everyone about his personal belief about a good family, and how he will be treating his wife and about his personal values, how he wants to see his relationship in perfection growing hand in hand supporting each other and other bullshit etc etc. he will impress the specialist with such behavior. if he succeeds with the therapist he will use the success to humiliate his close ones even more. many experienced psychologists know about such behavior and see it through. but some still get tricked. however if the narcissist was not successful with the specialist he will downgrade the therapist and will demand that they never see him again. he might take a defensive position and might start to blame everyone. if the narcissist is successful he will make your life a hell. he will tell you: "you see, even the therapist said I am amazing, it is you who need to work on your own life..." you will be put down even more. unfortunately you can not change them. can you be happy with the narcissists (or perverts)? NO. you can not also leave such relationship without your own psyche damaged - it is close to impossible. the women who are in relationship with narcissists or perverts get sick very often, such sicknesses are sudden and spontaneous: it can be very rapid weight gain or very rapid weight loss. the woman loses her hair, losses her nails, her skin gets irritated and gets dry as if she feels poisoned all the time by invisible poison. girls, you should leave such relationship immediately for the sake of your own health and with as less damage to YOU as possible. if you have kids you should seek help and advise of a goo od psychologist.
6. who are perverts
such people call black "white" and on the contrary: white will turn into "black". if such man's wife starts talking about her emotional state he will change the subject, close up, walk away from the room, distance himself up. he is basically closing up to the objective reality. he does not want to feel responsible for certain situations. perverts have perverted tendencies especially in sexual life. perverts will offer threesomes, swing parties, orgies etc etc. such people will be suffering from onanism and please themselves with masturbation. everything that is not defined "normal" will belong to perverts. perverts like to sabotage sexual relationship. if you argue he punishes you with not having sexual relationship with you. such person instead of discussing things and positions honestly can disappear and keep quiet for days, weeks and months, he distances himself from you by not answering you messages and calls, vanishes for several days from the house putting you in unstable emotional state of mind. he will make you feel aggressive towards him [and misunderstanding], you will also start analyzing the situation deeply, you will start finding guilt feelings inside yourself to explain his actions. you will start blaming yourself for all that happened between you two. you will start worrying about him and your emotional state of mind will be very low. if your man disappears for such a long time you will think that you have upset him with something. such situation is very handy for the pervert. pervert waits till you admit that you were guilty. he waits till you call and start talking to him first. pervert replies to his woman: "ok, I forgive you, let's forget it" even if he was in the wrong. you will feel next to zero after such "situation". very often narcissists go together in personality patterns as perverts. they are men who put you down, never value your feelings. more to that: such men have very low self esteem themselves, remember. he looks bright and significant now on your humiliated personality background. what else? such people, perverts-narcissists usually make very painful ironic comments towards their partners. such men usually laugh at women and not only. they usually laugh and criticize their women achievements and their personalities, he will always put her down. such men usually laugh at woman's education, her achievements and the way females think. he never values her opinion as he believes that his is the most important one. such man will always point to your mistakes and your downfalls. he is never happy with his woman's actions. he is never happy with the way her thoughts and her words. he is never happy and is never satisfied with anything around her. when you talk with such man you will always be stressed to express your opinion, you will always be judged, you will feel judged and will never talk out, you will be scared to make mistakes and you will always feel "not free", not yourself. you will always live according to him, projecting your own life and aligning your life with his, you will never run your own program, it will always be "his" and HIS only in order to please him out of fear. this is not the life you were designed for as you loose your true self in such relationship, you will kill and destroy your SELF. you will never hear from him: "this dress suits you so well", "you look so beautiful today" " your hair look so nice " "I like your hands" "I like how you smell". there is no compliments coming your way from such man. even if it is pronounced it is all done exclusively with the purpose of manipulating you. narcissists will find faults in how you eat, walk, sleep and talk. if your man feels that you laugh too loud in front of the public or drink too loud and he tells you about it, he has a narcissist or perverted type of behavior. the man who loves you will love you in all your expressions: loud, silent and normal, laughing or in tears, wrong or right - ALL YOUR ASPECTS OF SELF. narcissists and perverts experience aggressions often. it happens unpredictable. it can turn into swearing in public or in front of a crowd or friends etc... narcissists and perverts never keep their promises. he changes his mind, forgets about the promise or refuses he made a promise in the first place. it is another way to put you down so you feel helpless and you do not feel a firm ground under your feet. you will feel you do not deserve happiness etc.
7. how manipulation takes place
he blackmails you with your own secrets. this means the humiliation takes place on a very deep level. woman usually takes it in a form of feeling guilt and tries to please the abuser. there is another form of manipulation: the narcissists will tell you: "I am leaving you, good bye, I do not need you anymore, I do not want to see and know you" and he hangs up on your or leaves conversation without warning, walks out of the room and disengages himself from further discussions. this is a manipulation that is very hurtful for a woman. man usually demands something and says: "if you do not follow my demands I am going to leave you". if the demands are not fulfilled he blocks the communication with you and you feel emotionally down and manipulated.
8. how to identify such behavior at the very start of your relationship
it is very hard to identify especially at the first stage of relationship if the man is narcissist or pervert. the strategy of such man is usually very cunning: he charms you and makes you feel safe in his hands. he offers you what no one has offered you before to buy your trust. only after you live together or when you are married you suddenly discover the changes that start taking place. your man becomes very rude, aggressive, not responding and neglecting you etc. but no matter how such men hide this tendencies, you can figure them out. first suspicion: he drags all your attention to HIM and HIM only. he will never talks or asks you about YOU, he will never support or help you in anything you start and even if he will it will be only a weak verbal support or a poor remark. he might say: "I will be so worried about you" - this is as far as the support will go. there will be nothing to follow. narcissists or perverts can not act. example: you would like to become a famous writer and you send your articles or books to the publisher. you tell this idea to your partner. he will tell you: "I am so happy for you" - this is it! he will show you an interest on a short term, it will be forgotten soon after and he will never get interested in the result of your efforts. why? because he faked the original reaction and it is well forgotten - the lie is never remembered (only the truth is remembered), he never gets engaged or tries to remember what was so important for your life. if your man talks a lot but do not do much this is the bell ringing... a healthy man is very interested in everything you do and assists you on your way. he will do all his best to support you all way through. the unhealthy narcissists will only focus on what is important for him, not you, he is interested in his own life results, not in yours.
girls, be smart, act smart, think smart.
written with the help of lectures by Mark Barton